you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
