make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
