would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
now i know why i became what i already was.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Panties = found
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