NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
