Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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