sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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