saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
