STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
