I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
