No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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