Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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