he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
