Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
