i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
