who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
