Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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