I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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