I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we're so committed to being not committed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
