he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My breasts were aching with rage.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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