I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
