just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
