weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
farters have to be the big spoon...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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