Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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