You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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