Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
