he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
