I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
