I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
