I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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