I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My dick has a subreddit
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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