I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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