Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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