Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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