what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I want her autograph on my taint
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
