Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
