Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Welp...herpes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
