Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
