i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
