note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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