Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
