a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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