we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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