"it" just moved
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
