Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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