guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
