I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I look better un-naked...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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