just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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