I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think I sprained my soul last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
