I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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