so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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