Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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