I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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