You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
