We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
